Poison

A friend of mine put on an old Baleen album while I was closing the coffee shop the other day. As the Jeff Buckley-esc vocals crooned over a dream-pop, shoegaze background I told him I used to be poisoned toward music. I used to hang with people (person--it only takes one) who disliked hearing new bands, who found reasons to dislike things and spouted them, and these reasons seemed reasonable to me and I took on the habits of dislike.

Now that I'm older, now that I've played with more bands and listened to a wider rang of music I find I like most of it for one reason or another. I can be very specific when asked, but I'm never asked. When I dislike something, though, I tend to get skin-crawl when I hear it, and even if I can tell it's well written, I can't listen to it.

Sometimes I think about people who hear a song or a band and instantly say, "this sucks" or "they're copying that other band" in a dismissive way. It is a habit that could close you off to enjoying music. To having your mind blown by music.

I recently had my mind blown by this song:




It was the first time I'd heard the whole album and I just fell in love. But THIS SONG. . . oh man I wanted throw my bra on stage. But I was in my car so I just hit repeat until I got home.

It's different for everyone, that poison, or that mind-blowing. You can dislike a band, like I did Green Day for so long, just because your friends are stupid about them. You can like a band just because some cool kid liked them. Shonen Knife--while I like them a lot, I wouldn't have listened to them if they hadn't been vouched for by Kurt Cobain. 

This idea of poisoning your experiences with negativity could sound a little new-agey, but it can crop up in other instances. I've recently had to move back to Charlotte, NC, to work the same job I had before I left (forever) a year ago. My disappointment sometimes swells to bursting and I have to sit on the bathroom floor for a few minutes and silently weep. But when my pity party is over I find I can be quite positive about my situation. I don't have it as bad as I could, and being unhappy is something I have a lot of experience with, so I think I can take it. I plan on getting out soon. I just don't know how. Or when.

Meanwhile, little experiences like loving an album or hearing a song that makes you feel amazing are the stuff of life. I guess I don't know where this blog is going or what else I'm going to write about, but I think if I try to keep writing in it maybe it will do me some good.